Nov 22

Nov 22 Notice, name, and normalise for enhanced wellbeing

Difficult & Negative Psychological Experiences

Fighting and suppressing negative psychological experiences are sometimes the best ways to intensify these states. Thankfully, you have another option that I’ve seen help numerous people.

Here’s what we cover in this article:

The problem of relentless positivity
Difficult inner states
How to respond to difficult inner states

Cheer up mate

In many sectors of society, there is a relentless push to find the fountain of eternal happiness, to be your ‘best self’, and to live the perfect life. Arguably, much of the multi-billion self-help industry relies on selling these ideas to justify an endless conveyor belt of books, workshops and formulas promising to deliver these fictions.

Reality is different.

Life can be a wonderful, fulfilling, and meaningful adventure. But we also experience moments of pain, distress, guilt, emotional confusion, being let down, and even question our sanity at times. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either dishonest or seriously misinformed.

Difficult Inner States

Negative psychological experiences, or Difficult Inner States (DIS), are unavoidable. Adversity is something we all share; illness, bad luck, relationship problems, financial hardship, bereavement, etc. DIS are normal for the most part, except when they represent a serious underlying mental health issue.

Our brains are hard-wired to produce DIS, partly because our brains are ‘don’t get eaten’ machines (1) designed to be ‘sticky’ for threat-based information. For example, the brain has an inbuilt alarm system (via the amygdala, limbic system and other structures) that activates (fight, flight, freeze responses) when a potential threat is detected.

You can’t cut out these bits of your brain. Anxiety, fear, and other unpleasant emotions are important signals that something is happening that we need to notice.

DIS are actually a combination of unpleasant thoughts, images, memories, feelings and physical (body) sensations. The experience of low mood, for example, might be comprised of:

Self-critical thoughts (e.g., I’m useless)
Feeling sad/blue
A physical sensation of heaviness in the body.

The myriad combination of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours creates a seemingly endless supply of tough psychological experiences to encounter.

Thankfully, most of us have some helpful ways of responding to DIS.

A useful approach to DIS

Our response to difficult thoughts, feelings, and behaviour influences our overall wellbeing. But we often judge ourselves harshly when a DIS occurs (e.g., ‘I am stupid for thinking this’, ‘I am weak for feeling this way’, ‘I need to toughen up’).

Self-criticism is an unhelpful response because it exacerbates existing psychological pain.

Reducing harsh responses is therefore one way in which we can improve wellbeing. This outcome can be encouraged through Notice, Name, and Normalise. This approach is derived largely from existing psychological interventions (e.g., Compassion Focused Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).

Notice

Being alert to DIS arising is the first step in a helpful response to them.

These states can be surprisingly difficult to detect, at least consciously. Stress is a good example of a DIS that can persist at high levels and replace what feels normal.

Write down a description of your DIS, breaking it down into the elements of thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and behaviours/urges. Then pause for a couple of minutes a few times each day and mentally scan your body for any signs of the DIS.

Additional mindfulness and body scan and/or breathing exercises can help you train attention towards thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations if you have difficulties detecting them.

Name

Once noticed, a DIS needs to be ‘named’.

This is the conscious process of telling yourself that a DIS has arisen. No need for anything fancy here. Just saying something like ‘There goes my DIS’ will do.

You can also name self-criticism when it occurs in response to a DIS. Why? This tactic clearly signals that you’re in negative judgement mode. This labelling can help to separate or ‘externalise’ the judgement from your own mind, thereby helping you to detach (opening the door to normalising as discussed next). Give the harsh judgements a name/character (e.g., ‘The Critic’, ‘The Self-Defeating Script’), or use a metaphor (e.g., Red Traffic Light) if you want to externalise further.

Normalise

Because DIS are a normal part of being human, we need to acknowledge this in some way.

This can reduce the drive to judge ourselves harshly, while more accurately reflecting the reality of life. Several perspectives can be taken to change a harsh response to difficult inner experiences:

Ask yourself how effective these harsh judgements are in improving your wellbeing? If ineffective, what is a more useful response?
How would a very compassionate person explain the occurrence of this challenging inner experience? How would they suggest you should respond?
Baring the presence of a mental health condition, the existence of psychological pain is normal. What’s more, it is something that is a universal human experience. Acknowledging difficult inner experiences as ubiquitous means you might go a little easier on yourself.
In what way might your difficult inner experience be ultimately helpful (e.g., a useful warning sign, a prompt to stop and re-evaluate a situation)?

Summary

Notice, name, and normalise can be a helpful response to DIS and the tendency to respond to them with self-criticism. Promoting conscious awareness of DIS and non-critical responses can be useful tools in managing wellbeing and many other issues (e.g., procrastination).

This approach is certainly worth a try if your inner critic is particularly loud-mouthed.

While difficult psychological experiences are a normal part of life, not all DIS are normal or benign. Major mental health issues affect a large proportion of the population, so seek professional advice when a DIS persists, causes great distress, or interferes with your daily life.